Feeling out of place
Have you ever felt that you were out of place or completely out of tune when hanging out with people or when you are at a particular place? This has been me for the past month or so but I'm increasingly feeling the "great divide" so to speak.
As I've been plodding along on my spiritual journey, obviously you get to a point where things that used to "do it" for you no longer do. For me, I get almost a sense of dread when I think about hanging around certain places or people, and I never really had that issue before (not to this extent). This was made quite apparent to me over the weekend.
On the weekend, I was invited to watch the cricket with some mates. Some mates I have known for over a year, others just a couple of months and a sporadic couple of months at that (i.e. no effort had been made to really know the person). I found at the cricket when some of the newer "friends" had turned up, I couldn't bring myself to make the effort to connect or chat, and I don't know why.
Before I had my first kinesiology session years ago, I had a lot of issues in meeting a guy, and in social situations when I was around people who were coupled up, I couldn't chat to them. I made no effort whatsoever to engage with my friend's "other half", and it wasn't until that kinesiology session did it come out that the reason for that was because I was angry. I was bloody angry. Angry at the world because why could other people find someone and I couldn't? I hadn't let go of my past - my first love - which made me an angry and resentful person who subconsciously told people to f*** off before they even came within 5 steps of me.
I found myself on Saturday in a similar situation - I am usually extremely social and could chat to a brick wall but I'm increasingly finding that I can't do that anymore. Is it because I'm angry? I don't think so... I don't think I have much to be angry about anymore. I had put it down to the fact that I have so many friends and I simply cannot fit in anyone new because it takes a lot of time and energy to maintain a good friendship - and I prefer to have a smaller group of really good friends as opposed to a large group of "acquaintances". But is that the real reason? To be honest, I'm not sure it is, and I know I'm going to have to do a bit of self reflection to figure out why I feel so out of place.
I shot off a quick email to SK over the weekend telling her of my meditation experience and asking her this exact question. SK told me that it's because I'm becoming aware that I don't really belong here, and that we're here for a temporary stop as we really are energetic beings and exist on different planes. She told me to just be true to myself and do things that make me feel happy. If I'm not happy then I shouldn't do it. She also said that obviously things happen for a reason and that "The universe has a amazing way of filtering people that you need in your life and the people that you don't". Ain't that the truth.
For a while now I've had the feeling that I had to start distancing myself from the "singles social group" that I hang out with. I guess it's been coming for a long time now. The people are fantastic, don't get me wrong, but again I prefer to build a proper and deeper relationship with my current friends than to meet new people. I guess for me the desire is that the new people who come into my life really need to be open to the fact that I'm spiritual and that the purpose of my life is to really live this spiritual journey. If they don't get it then, quite simply put, I don't want to waste my energy. Spirituality has become such a huge part of my life now it's kind of insane and how fast it took to completely take over.
This was in direct contrast to the feeling I had yesterday when I was at a friend's house. She is from a completely different religion to me and also has a background that is different to the people that I usually hang out with. I was invited with some other friends to her house to have a BBQ with her family and some other of her close friends. I have to say that I loved it. The family was so welcoming, I mean, I felt like I was one of them. To walk through the door, meet her mother (I had already met her sister previously) and then just settle in the kitchen helping put together kefte was just great. I really loved the 'bonding over food' aspect and I loved the fact that her family (mum, dad, sister, brothers, sister-in-law, brother-in-law, uncle, etc) were so extremely welcoming. Not to mention that the food was AMAZING and then hanging out with some babies was the icing on the cake.
I realise now that this sort of low key type of thing (and funnily enough, sans alcohol) is the type of thing that I crave right now at this point in time. To be able to just prepare, sit down, eat food and have a good conversation where everyone is really paying attention to what the other person is saying, and everyone looks out for each other is what I want.
Again, it's the law of attraction at work... and I know for sure I will be attracting more of the latter type of people rather than the crazy drinkers and hard partygoers.
*****
On a completely random topic, I was chatting to one of my exes (now I would put him in the "best friend" category) today and I got onto the topic of soul mates. Now, if you knew him, he is the most unspiritual person EVER, but when I told him that I was convinced he was one of my soul mates, he wanted to know more. So I started explaining the concept of soul contracts, reincarnation, blah blah blah and whilst he admitted that some of it seemed to him to be a bit far fetched, he couldn't deny that there was some strong connection between the two of us (even though we are completely different) and he was open to discussing this next time we caught up. Somehow I have a sneaky suspicion that his views might be evolving too!
As I've been plodding along on my spiritual journey, obviously you get to a point where things that used to "do it" for you no longer do. For me, I get almost a sense of dread when I think about hanging around certain places or people, and I never really had that issue before (not to this extent). This was made quite apparent to me over the weekend.
On the weekend, I was invited to watch the cricket with some mates. Some mates I have known for over a year, others just a couple of months and a sporadic couple of months at that (i.e. no effort had been made to really know the person). I found at the cricket when some of the newer "friends" had turned up, I couldn't bring myself to make the effort to connect or chat, and I don't know why.
Before I had my first kinesiology session years ago, I had a lot of issues in meeting a guy, and in social situations when I was around people who were coupled up, I couldn't chat to them. I made no effort whatsoever to engage with my friend's "other half", and it wasn't until that kinesiology session did it come out that the reason for that was because I was angry. I was bloody angry. Angry at the world because why could other people find someone and I couldn't? I hadn't let go of my past - my first love - which made me an angry and resentful person who subconsciously told people to f*** off before they even came within 5 steps of me.
I found myself on Saturday in a similar situation - I am usually extremely social and could chat to a brick wall but I'm increasingly finding that I can't do that anymore. Is it because I'm angry? I don't think so... I don't think I have much to be angry about anymore. I had put it down to the fact that I have so many friends and I simply cannot fit in anyone new because it takes a lot of time and energy to maintain a good friendship - and I prefer to have a smaller group of really good friends as opposed to a large group of "acquaintances". But is that the real reason? To be honest, I'm not sure it is, and I know I'm going to have to do a bit of self reflection to figure out why I feel so out of place.
I shot off a quick email to SK over the weekend telling her of my meditation experience and asking her this exact question. SK told me that it's because I'm becoming aware that I don't really belong here, and that we're here for a temporary stop as we really are energetic beings and exist on different planes. She told me to just be true to myself and do things that make me feel happy. If I'm not happy then I shouldn't do it. She also said that obviously things happen for a reason and that "The universe has a amazing way of filtering people that you need in your life and the people that you don't". Ain't that the truth.
For a while now I've had the feeling that I had to start distancing myself from the "singles social group" that I hang out with. I guess it's been coming for a long time now. The people are fantastic, don't get me wrong, but again I prefer to build a proper and deeper relationship with my current friends than to meet new people. I guess for me the desire is that the new people who come into my life really need to be open to the fact that I'm spiritual and that the purpose of my life is to really live this spiritual journey. If they don't get it then, quite simply put, I don't want to waste my energy. Spirituality has become such a huge part of my life now it's kind of insane and how fast it took to completely take over.
This was in direct contrast to the feeling I had yesterday when I was at a friend's house. She is from a completely different religion to me and also has a background that is different to the people that I usually hang out with. I was invited with some other friends to her house to have a BBQ with her family and some other of her close friends. I have to say that I loved it. The family was so welcoming, I mean, I felt like I was one of them. To walk through the door, meet her mother (I had already met her sister previously) and then just settle in the kitchen helping put together kefte was just great. I really loved the 'bonding over food' aspect and I loved the fact that her family (mum, dad, sister, brothers, sister-in-law, brother-in-law, uncle, etc) were so extremely welcoming. Not to mention that the food was AMAZING and then hanging out with some babies was the icing on the cake.
I realise now that this sort of low key type of thing (and funnily enough, sans alcohol) is the type of thing that I crave right now at this point in time. To be able to just prepare, sit down, eat food and have a good conversation where everyone is really paying attention to what the other person is saying, and everyone looks out for each other is what I want.
Again, it's the law of attraction at work... and I know for sure I will be attracting more of the latter type of people rather than the crazy drinkers and hard partygoers.
*****
On a completely random topic, I was chatting to one of my exes (now I would put him in the "best friend" category) today and I got onto the topic of soul mates. Now, if you knew him, he is the most unspiritual person EVER, but when I told him that I was convinced he was one of my soul mates, he wanted to know more. So I started explaining the concept of soul contracts, reincarnation, blah blah blah and whilst he admitted that some of it seemed to him to be a bit far fetched, he couldn't deny that there was some strong connection between the two of us (even though we are completely different) and he was open to discussing this next time we caught up. Somehow I have a sneaky suspicion that his views might be evolving too!