How energies can affect those who are sensitive
It's been a relatively tough week for me. It started off with heading to Q Station out at Manly for a 3 day 2 night work retreat. For those who have never heard of Q Station (or Quarantine Station), it's a place that is situated on North Head Manly, and was where people were quarantined from the rest of the world if they were suspected of having contagious diseases. It's a gorgeous place to be - close but far away from the hustle and bustle of the city and a quick place to have a retreat. It is also famous for being haunted - apparently one of the most haunted places in Australia (great).
Sunday started off fine with great weather and a quick dip at Quarantine beach. The vibe felt really peaceful and I seemed to be fine. Of course knowing about Q Station being haunted, I carried a number of crystals with me throughout the day - the main purpose was to be shielded and protected from the spirits.
On returning to my room after dinner, I settled myself into bed. Since I started meditating and trying to hone my psychic abilities, the only times when I get the most vivid visions are when I'm deep in meditation or in my dreams. Suffice to say that it takes me a while to get into that state. However, all I had to do was lie down in bed and close my eyes and all of a sudden I started to get a bunch of visions - they flicked in and out, no apparent order or connection between them... it was like watching a silent movie. A picture of 2 girls with their backs to me wearing "periodic" dresses and those "bonnets" walking down the road, and then it flicked to a beach, then it flicked to trees, and then it was going all over the place. The area where my third eye is was throbbing like crazy and after all that I fell asleep.
Upon waking up on Monday, I went for an early morning run and a quick dip at the beach before starting the meditation session with our leaders. I actually had no idea what I was doing but everyone rocked up, participated, and I ended up getting some guys who came the next day for more which was quite nice. We had a full day of planning where we focused on culture, purpose and then dove into our strategic objectives with a few games thrown in between by our facilitator.
Our last "game" was a building game where I realised quite clearly that I acted in precisely the same way that our head of the region did - not giving the vision to our builders and simply ordering them to do what needed to be done :P Whoops! After that game, as I was walking back, the regional head cut a sullen figure and he told me that he didn't find much value in that game. I became irritated - don't put your negativity on me when I thought the activity was actually really mind-opening and interesting. So I said something along the lines of maybe he had to take a good look at himself and figure out why that activity made him uncomfortable, perhaps he wasn't a team player, etc. That apparently hurt him (I didn't mean it but if you know me, I can be pretty blunt when I'm frustrated), and also another workmate pointed out that he shut down at the beginning of the activity when he started telling others what their roles were and I told him to stop forcing people into things and just let them choose what they wanted.
ANYWAY, so off I go without knowing the impact that I had done and upon wakening that morning from a disrupted sleep, I see I had a msg from him at 5am asking if I was ok. I got pissed off again because wth msgs you at 5am?! In fact, I was beginning to get mad at a number of things and found it difficult if close to impossible to talk to him when he wanted to talk to me.
So roll on Tuesday where we are sitting down trying to set the KPIs, targets, etc. We had split up into a number of smaller groups, so it was interesting to see the dynamic. In the first session, I had this sinking feeling in my stomach that I didn't feel like I was valued, I was dumb as because I was really struggling with the concept of target vs KPI, I didn't deserve to be on the leadership team and when I spoke up about something, I was shot down by some of the more "hot headed" leaders. I also realised quite quickly that I was not a big picture thinker - I am much more of a "do-er" - i.e. "tell me what you want and I'll do it" rather than the "I'll give you a vision" sort of thing. It was a kick in the gut. I realised I actually didn't know as much as I thought I did about business and quite frankly, I freaked out. My throat also started clogging up - so I knew it was my body reacting to the fact that I felt like I couldn't say what I really wanted to say, or in this instance, realising something that I didn't want to admit.
At lunch time I wanted to get away from everyone so I quickly filled up my plate with food and found a chair to eat away from everyone. The HR manager came up to me and as we were eating, she told me that I had upset the regional manager the day before and he couldn't sleep, etc. Then I blew up - I told her he needed to quit thinking about himself and perhaps think about the feelings of other people, I disliked the way he always said things that made him look weak in front of others, and then I started crying saying how I felt that I didn't belong, etc etc.
The HR manager was shocked and said that this was a side of me that she had never seen because I always was so strong. I told her about how easily I was able to see visions and she said that it was likely that the energies of the place were really affecting me because she knows how sensitive I am to that stuff (e.g. I do her angel readings all the time so she understands a bit more about me). That made sense - generally I don't overreact like the way I did but I had no idea about how much the energies of the past that linger in a place could affect me. She also said that others were commenting about a strange vibe around the place as many of them had sleepless nights too.
Anyway, after she left me to be by myself I walked a bit further around the place trying to take a lot of deep breaths and steady myself again. I had a good conversation with my lady friends at work over Whatsapp, and they helped me a lot. I ended up returning to the room about 1/2 hr later to continue and finish off the day.
When everything finished, I was so glad to get out of the place. I still had the feelings of helplessness and unworthiness when I got home so after chatting with a workmate, I quickly booked in a time to see my crystal healer next Tuesday. I had never felt such a strong emotional reaction as to the one that I felt on Tuesday. Whether it was because I finally admitted to myself that I didn't know everything or whatever it was, I'm not sure, but even when I lost my job last year did I not have the feeling of helplessness that I had on Tuesday.
Thankfully I'm feeling a lot better now and don't have much of the helplessness feeling. It really must have been that place, but I will be interested to see what my crystal healer gets from me next Tuesday.
Thank you to all of my beautiful friends who helped me through this (and still do) - you know who you are.
SHOUT OUT
So I tried Doreen Virtue's Archangel Gabriel card deck on her website today and it said that I should consider getting an "editor" for my writing pursuits. Obviously I'm not in the business of writing for money, but I thought I'd put the shout out to you guys to let me know what types of things you want me to write about or give me feedback on whether the posts are just weird, don't flow, etc. Thanks in advance!