Removing the emotion from things
I admit it - today was a crap and challenging day. Anything that could go wrong, essentially did, and for me now looking back (and after a very good yoga session), I can now see it as a "challenge" to test how far I had come in terms of dealing with certain situations.
I'll focus on the one example which really hit home how important it was to separate the emotion from the facts. Nearly two years ago, and all times before then, I was a very emotional person at work. If work was getting too tough for me or I was too stressed out, I'd break down and cry. I was always told I was very emotional and I had to take the emotion out of things and see it objectively. Obviously when you're not in the middle of all of the stuff happening to you, it's really easy to see that! When you are in the middle of it, it's a lot harder. I'm sure you're all nodding in agreement.
So today I was in the middle of a meeting of work and then I started to see a flurry of emails about a specific incident. My phone then started going off and it became very apparent that it was an urgent issue - one that required my lawyer side to step up and take control of the situation. I quickly excused myself from the meeting and rushed out to figure out what had happened.
In the space of a few minutes, the facts were gathered, and the person in the middle of it put up his hand to take responsibility for it. It's always terrible when we know that we've made a mistake, but when we've made one that essentially puts your job on the line, it's even worse. This guy is a really really nice guy, and it was just one stupid mistake. He took full responsibility over it, which meant it was easier for us to decide how to handle the situation and he fully co-operated with us. The other issue that we had to handle however was what to do about his actions. He knew it wasn't going to be good, and I could see how crestfallen and shattered he was. He was so scared, really upset and angry at himself for what had happened, and I think he knows deep down the consequences of his actions.
I've been reading Sacred Contracts by Caroline Myss, and I've begun to try to identify my 8 archetypes (as the 4 that are with everyone are the Child, Victim, Prostitute and Saboteur). I initially put aside the "Rescuer" archetype, but when walking to work today, and by looking at my actions today, I think I'm a quintessential Rescuer and it is part of my 8 archetypes. What is the Rescuer archetype you ask? It's a person who "assists when needed, and when their mission is accomplished, withdraws". Essentially the Rescuer is the supporter, someone who is there is help someone through a difficult situation. Those who know me well will I'm sure completely agree that the Rescuer archetype fits me very well.
So understanding that one of my archetypes is the Rescuer, I was torn inside when I saw the look on my workmate's face when he was coming to terms with what had happened. I really wanted to reach out and tell him that everything would be ok, but I can't lie like that, and lots of people tell me that my emotions are written all over my face, so I couldn't do anything to help him. Not only that, in my role as the lawyer of the company, from a professional perspective, I needed to deal with the issue at hand and being emotional about it wasn't going to help me. My company needed me alert and firing on all cylinders to figure out the best way to handle this, and I couldn't afford to let my emotions get in the way of my job.
After seeking help from my external counsel and then formulating a plan to execute, I then had time with our HR manager to discuss the related issue of what to do with my workmate. What I have learnt over the last few years is that you need to only look at the facts, and make a decision based on them (well isn't that obvious you think, that's what judges do obviously but I forget that A LOT). So unfortunately as we were talking it over, there was only one obvious decision. If that eventuates, it makes me feel even more sorry for my workmate, because I know he is a really good person, what happened was not intentional and it was just this one mistake that has a dire consequence. I have that mental image of his face when he told me he was the person who was behind what happened, he was such an idiot and what could we do, and the image of him in the chair with his head between his hands... it's tough. Doesn't help either when his boss pulled me aside during the day to try to appeal for him and I just had to throw my hands up in the air saying I know where he is coming from but at the end of the day, we need to abide by company policies and the decision rests with HR. If it happens, it's unfair, but we have to make sure at all times that we separate the emotion from the facts.
So what's going to happen tomorrow? Well... I'll find out tomorrow. But whatever does happen, I'll be there to offer whatever support I can to him.
If I look back at how I would have handled this situation 2 years ago, I don't think I would have handled it well. Whilst I might have done the same thing, what would have happened would be that I would've taken on the emotions from the situation and let it eat away at my psyche, let it tire me, and eventually lead me to an emotional breakdown because I wanted to solve everyone's problems.
The lesson I learnt was that I can only do what I can do. Removing the emotions from certain situations is very helpful - it helps me think clearer and see the bigger picture. Similarly, now on the path of becoming a healer (and an energy healer at that), it's important for me to not take on the emotions of others either. All I can do is sit back and observe, and then offer the support that I can which might be, in the words of my good friend who is the One Grounded Angel, just to listen.
I'll focus on the one example which really hit home how important it was to separate the emotion from the facts. Nearly two years ago, and all times before then, I was a very emotional person at work. If work was getting too tough for me or I was too stressed out, I'd break down and cry. I was always told I was very emotional and I had to take the emotion out of things and see it objectively. Obviously when you're not in the middle of all of the stuff happening to you, it's really easy to see that! When you are in the middle of it, it's a lot harder. I'm sure you're all nodding in agreement.
So today I was in the middle of a meeting of work and then I started to see a flurry of emails about a specific incident. My phone then started going off and it became very apparent that it was an urgent issue - one that required my lawyer side to step up and take control of the situation. I quickly excused myself from the meeting and rushed out to figure out what had happened.
In the space of a few minutes, the facts were gathered, and the person in the middle of it put up his hand to take responsibility for it. It's always terrible when we know that we've made a mistake, but when we've made one that essentially puts your job on the line, it's even worse. This guy is a really really nice guy, and it was just one stupid mistake. He took full responsibility over it, which meant it was easier for us to decide how to handle the situation and he fully co-operated with us. The other issue that we had to handle however was what to do about his actions. He knew it wasn't going to be good, and I could see how crestfallen and shattered he was. He was so scared, really upset and angry at himself for what had happened, and I think he knows deep down the consequences of his actions.
I've been reading Sacred Contracts by Caroline Myss, and I've begun to try to identify my 8 archetypes (as the 4 that are with everyone are the Child, Victim, Prostitute and Saboteur). I initially put aside the "Rescuer" archetype, but when walking to work today, and by looking at my actions today, I think I'm a quintessential Rescuer and it is part of my 8 archetypes. What is the Rescuer archetype you ask? It's a person who "assists when needed, and when their mission is accomplished, withdraws". Essentially the Rescuer is the supporter, someone who is there is help someone through a difficult situation. Those who know me well will I'm sure completely agree that the Rescuer archetype fits me very well.
So understanding that one of my archetypes is the Rescuer, I was torn inside when I saw the look on my workmate's face when he was coming to terms with what had happened. I really wanted to reach out and tell him that everything would be ok, but I can't lie like that, and lots of people tell me that my emotions are written all over my face, so I couldn't do anything to help him. Not only that, in my role as the lawyer of the company, from a professional perspective, I needed to deal with the issue at hand and being emotional about it wasn't going to help me. My company needed me alert and firing on all cylinders to figure out the best way to handle this, and I couldn't afford to let my emotions get in the way of my job.
After seeking help from my external counsel and then formulating a plan to execute, I then had time with our HR manager to discuss the related issue of what to do with my workmate. What I have learnt over the last few years is that you need to only look at the facts, and make a decision based on them (well isn't that obvious you think, that's what judges do obviously but I forget that A LOT). So unfortunately as we were talking it over, there was only one obvious decision. If that eventuates, it makes me feel even more sorry for my workmate, because I know he is a really good person, what happened was not intentional and it was just this one mistake that has a dire consequence. I have that mental image of his face when he told me he was the person who was behind what happened, he was such an idiot and what could we do, and the image of him in the chair with his head between his hands... it's tough. Doesn't help either when his boss pulled me aside during the day to try to appeal for him and I just had to throw my hands up in the air saying I know where he is coming from but at the end of the day, we need to abide by company policies and the decision rests with HR. If it happens, it's unfair, but we have to make sure at all times that we separate the emotion from the facts.
So what's going to happen tomorrow? Well... I'll find out tomorrow. But whatever does happen, I'll be there to offer whatever support I can to him.
If I look back at how I would have handled this situation 2 years ago, I don't think I would have handled it well. Whilst I might have done the same thing, what would have happened would be that I would've taken on the emotions from the situation and let it eat away at my psyche, let it tire me, and eventually lead me to an emotional breakdown because I wanted to solve everyone's problems.
The lesson I learnt was that I can only do what I can do. Removing the emotions from certain situations is very helpful - it helps me think clearer and see the bigger picture. Similarly, now on the path of becoming a healer (and an energy healer at that), it's important for me to not take on the emotions of others either. All I can do is sit back and observe, and then offer the support that I can which might be, in the words of my good friend who is the One Grounded Angel, just to listen.