Falling into the trap of worrying
With all of my previous posts of positivity and thinking in the right way, I wanted to give you an example that shows that it's not as easy to comply with all of my advice as you think it is! I'm the perfect example of a person who knows logically that the advice is sound but I let my own fears/worries get in the way. However, I also wanted to share that if you ever hit a "low" point, you need to know that the angels and ascended masters/spirit guides work even harder to get you to listen to their positive messages!
On Saturday, at my usual massage clinic, I realised that if I wanted to study the Diploma of Remedial Massage, it was likely that I would have to do my remedial clinic on a weekday, which meant taking a few hours off work each week. Initially my reaction was "that's ok - this is doable" and I left it at that. But then on Sunday, I had a feeling that I had to look a bit more into how the recent changes to the diploma would impact me, so Sunday night, before going to bed, I decided to do a bit of research.
On the website of my college, they basically said that online students may not be recognised by health insurance providers. When I read this I had a sinking feeling in my stomach - I consider myself a part-time online student, as I don't really want study to get in the way of my standard full time work. Also, I always had the expectation that my future clients would be able to claim rebates on my massages, so they wouldn't have to pay the full amount. So this was snag number 2 - if I had no choice but to study part-time on campus, there would be no way I could continue to do full time work. Would I be allowed to work part-time and study part-time as well? What impact would that have on work and my own life? It certainly wasn't a scenario that I had factored into account.
I started to get worried - I was always a "what is meant to be is meant to be" so I started thinking "Am I really supposed to be doing remedial massage? I was so sure that I was on the right path?!". So worried that I had a very difficult sleep. In fact, I dreamt, amongst other things, of a red spider (not a red-back spider but a spider with red all over it), and that my teeth were very loose. Loose teeth means an insecurity with something material in my waking life (i.e. career) and spiders generally mean entrapment. Yep - I was feeling that in my waking life. Add on top of that I have had difficulty meditating for more than 15 mins over the past few days and I'm feeling pretty anxious.
Obviously given all those signs I started to get even MORE worried. However in my mind I thought "Let me talk to my careers advisor first and get the actual facts". So I contacted my careers advisor who has not contacted me yet.
So this morning, I woke up at my usual time and attempted to meditate. This meditation was pretty good - lasted about 1/2 hr. I saw a LOT of images - a large field of tulips of differing colours, a bunch of presents gift wrapped with white wrapping paper with a bow, a white snake, a baby (not quite a toddler) smiling at me etc etc. Once I got out of my meditation, I frantically searched for the meanings of these symbols and scribbled them into my journal. I found the common link - new beginnings. In addition to this, I had the song "Lay it all (on me)" by Rudimental and Ed Sheeran playing in my head during that meditation (and before). On reading the lyrics, the clear message was to let all my worries and fears go to God - that's a pretty poignant message for someone who was at the stage that I was at. That also explains the "blessing in disguise" messages I had been receiving from my own angel card reading and from the ones that my friend does for me.
I'm still trying to figure out what these "new beginnings" will be but no doubt I will figure that out somewhere in the future. I have no doubt that what is happening now is part of the overall plan for me - and I need to ride with it. I'm also chatting to MM this Thursday so maybe something will come out of that.
In writing this, I think back to one of the things the psychic told me in October - "something will happen to you in November which will make you leave your job a lot sooner than you think". Whether this comes true or not, we'll see - but it certainly seems to be the beginning of something new!
P.S And as I was woken up at 4.13am this morning, I decided to search for the meaning of the angel number 413. It's about the angels and ascended masters supporting me in not giving up and to stay on the path of achieving my goal! Go figure!
On Saturday, at my usual massage clinic, I realised that if I wanted to study the Diploma of Remedial Massage, it was likely that I would have to do my remedial clinic on a weekday, which meant taking a few hours off work each week. Initially my reaction was "that's ok - this is doable" and I left it at that. But then on Sunday, I had a feeling that I had to look a bit more into how the recent changes to the diploma would impact me, so Sunday night, before going to bed, I decided to do a bit of research.
On the website of my college, they basically said that online students may not be recognised by health insurance providers. When I read this I had a sinking feeling in my stomach - I consider myself a part-time online student, as I don't really want study to get in the way of my standard full time work. Also, I always had the expectation that my future clients would be able to claim rebates on my massages, so they wouldn't have to pay the full amount. So this was snag number 2 - if I had no choice but to study part-time on campus, there would be no way I could continue to do full time work. Would I be allowed to work part-time and study part-time as well? What impact would that have on work and my own life? It certainly wasn't a scenario that I had factored into account.
I started to get worried - I was always a "what is meant to be is meant to be" so I started thinking "Am I really supposed to be doing remedial massage? I was so sure that I was on the right path?!". So worried that I had a very difficult sleep. In fact, I dreamt, amongst other things, of a red spider (not a red-back spider but a spider with red all over it), and that my teeth were very loose. Loose teeth means an insecurity with something material in my waking life (i.e. career) and spiders generally mean entrapment. Yep - I was feeling that in my waking life. Add on top of that I have had difficulty meditating for more than 15 mins over the past few days and I'm feeling pretty anxious.
Obviously given all those signs I started to get even MORE worried. However in my mind I thought "Let me talk to my careers advisor first and get the actual facts". So I contacted my careers advisor who has not contacted me yet.
So this morning, I woke up at my usual time and attempted to meditate. This meditation was pretty good - lasted about 1/2 hr. I saw a LOT of images - a large field of tulips of differing colours, a bunch of presents gift wrapped with white wrapping paper with a bow, a white snake, a baby (not quite a toddler) smiling at me etc etc. Once I got out of my meditation, I frantically searched for the meanings of these symbols and scribbled them into my journal. I found the common link - new beginnings. In addition to this, I had the song "Lay it all (on me)" by Rudimental and Ed Sheeran playing in my head during that meditation (and before). On reading the lyrics, the clear message was to let all my worries and fears go to God - that's a pretty poignant message for someone who was at the stage that I was at. That also explains the "blessing in disguise" messages I had been receiving from my own angel card reading and from the ones that my friend does for me.
I'm still trying to figure out what these "new beginnings" will be but no doubt I will figure that out somewhere in the future. I have no doubt that what is happening now is part of the overall plan for me - and I need to ride with it. I'm also chatting to MM this Thursday so maybe something will come out of that.
In writing this, I think back to one of the things the psychic told me in October - "something will happen to you in November which will make you leave your job a lot sooner than you think". Whether this comes true or not, we'll see - but it certainly seems to be the beginning of something new!
P.S And as I was woken up at 4.13am this morning, I decided to search for the meaning of the angel number 413. It's about the angels and ascended masters supporting me in not giving up and to stay on the path of achieving my goal! Go figure!