There are two sides to every story
Recently, my boyfriend gave me a biodynamic craniosacral therapy session (again another benefit of having a boyfriend who is a healer - free healing sessions). During that session, one of my spirit guides decided to reveal himself to me - his name is Dante. Whether he is the Dante or not isn't a real concern, but he told me that the reason why he revealed himself to me at this point in time was to teach me two particular things - acceptance and perspective.
The other day I was having a chat to my boyfriend about the fact that I still found it hard to forgive my dad for what he did. In addition to that, I was also pissed off at my grandfather because, at his 90th birthday party, the only thing he could do was tell me off (in front of a lot of family members) for not trying to contact him (e.g. phoning him up on Chinese New Year, etc) and not attending family functions and my initial reaction was me thinking well I didn't think I was obliged to contact you to say happy birthday, Merry Xmas, etc. I do that to my parents and I don't see why I need to contact you when I barely speak Vietnamese, you're barely ever around and you've never tried to establish a relationship with me! Sigh.
As I was talking to my boyfriend, he reminded me that it was important for me to see or at least try to understand the other's perspective. In the case of my dad, whilst he might have reacted to me in the way that he did, perhaps the underlying reason was because he thought my actions were evidence that he had failed in being a good father. So he was mad at himself because he must have done something wrong in parenting to make me turn away from religion, and was taking out that anger on me. For my grandfather, as he hasn't seen me that much pretty much since my grandmother passed away, it was highly possible that he only knows me as a child and as I became an adult, I was known as the golden child, the girl who all other people should aspire to be and the smart girl with a really high paying job. So when he sees me now, he's seen how much I have changed and perhaps realises that the family unit is not as he had known it years and years ago, and is somewhat fearful that he has missed out on certain things in my life that he should really know about.
When things were put in that perspective, it was hard for me to actually hold onto my feelings of anger and resentment towards my father and my grandfather. It's funny how when things are explained a bit differently, all of a sudden you can understand and accept why people acted in the particular way and you cut them a bit of slack. Personally I have tried to apply this concept to a lot of things in my life (especially work), but again I'm a human being and there are some instances where my emotions just take over and my rational brain takes a back seat.
As I was sitting on the plane today heading back to Sydney from Melbourne, an analogy came into my head around the concept of perspective. On the plane, all I can see if the row of seats in front of me, to the side of me and have a vague impression of what it looks like behind me. If you close your eyes and zone out from the buzz of the plane's engines and assuming that there is no turbulence, you could very well think that you were at home sitting in your chair and not up in the air whatsoever. It's only when you open your eyes and look out the window do you realise that you are thousands of kms in the air and flying over land and water. On the plane, you have no idea what is going on down on the ground outside. There could be bombs going off, a kid might be getting bullied at school, a whole suburb might have been flooded, but you would have no idea because where you are sitting, all you can see are rows of seats and other people.
I guess it's the same with us in our lives. Someone might not be very nice to us and make us angry. But you don't know what may have happened to that person a few minutes, a few days, a few years before the outburst. If you did know, then perhaps you wouldn't be so angry right? I think it's a good philosophy to try to live by - accept people for who they are (all of their perceived failings too) because for the majority of times, there is always a reason for them to act in the way that they do.
The other day I was having a chat to my boyfriend about the fact that I still found it hard to forgive my dad for what he did. In addition to that, I was also pissed off at my grandfather because, at his 90th birthday party, the only thing he could do was tell me off (in front of a lot of family members) for not trying to contact him (e.g. phoning him up on Chinese New Year, etc) and not attending family functions and my initial reaction was me thinking well I didn't think I was obliged to contact you to say happy birthday, Merry Xmas, etc. I do that to my parents and I don't see why I need to contact you when I barely speak Vietnamese, you're barely ever around and you've never tried to establish a relationship with me! Sigh.
As I was talking to my boyfriend, he reminded me that it was important for me to see or at least try to understand the other's perspective. In the case of my dad, whilst he might have reacted to me in the way that he did, perhaps the underlying reason was because he thought my actions were evidence that he had failed in being a good father. So he was mad at himself because he must have done something wrong in parenting to make me turn away from religion, and was taking out that anger on me. For my grandfather, as he hasn't seen me that much pretty much since my grandmother passed away, it was highly possible that he only knows me as a child and as I became an adult, I was known as the golden child, the girl who all other people should aspire to be and the smart girl with a really high paying job. So when he sees me now, he's seen how much I have changed and perhaps realises that the family unit is not as he had known it years and years ago, and is somewhat fearful that he has missed out on certain things in my life that he should really know about.
When things were put in that perspective, it was hard for me to actually hold onto my feelings of anger and resentment towards my father and my grandfather. It's funny how when things are explained a bit differently, all of a sudden you can understand and accept why people acted in the particular way and you cut them a bit of slack. Personally I have tried to apply this concept to a lot of things in my life (especially work), but again I'm a human being and there are some instances where my emotions just take over and my rational brain takes a back seat.
As I was sitting on the plane today heading back to Sydney from Melbourne, an analogy came into my head around the concept of perspective. On the plane, all I can see if the row of seats in front of me, to the side of me and have a vague impression of what it looks like behind me. If you close your eyes and zone out from the buzz of the plane's engines and assuming that there is no turbulence, you could very well think that you were at home sitting in your chair and not up in the air whatsoever. It's only when you open your eyes and look out the window do you realise that you are thousands of kms in the air and flying over land and water. On the plane, you have no idea what is going on down on the ground outside. There could be bombs going off, a kid might be getting bullied at school, a whole suburb might have been flooded, but you would have no idea because where you are sitting, all you can see are rows of seats and other people.
I guess it's the same with us in our lives. Someone might not be very nice to us and make us angry. But you don't know what may have happened to that person a few minutes, a few days, a few years before the outburst. If you did know, then perhaps you wouldn't be so angry right? I think it's a good philosophy to try to live by - accept people for who they are (all of their perceived failings too) because for the majority of times, there is always a reason for them to act in the way that they do.