Learning to speak from the heart
As part of my Diploma of Energy Healing studies, I spent this weekend in a class that centered around communication. Our teacher, a psychotherapist, was absolutely amazing. She really challenged us to change our way of thinking. For example, do you realise that a lot of our modern day vocabulary centers around the concept of good and bad? I.e. a sense of some sort of judgement or a sense of what is "right and wrong". Take a moment to think about it. When people ask you "How are you?", your automatic reaction is "I'm good", or "I'm fine". How many of you say "I'm good" even though you feel like crap - it's an automatic reaction right? Similarly, you see someone and you say "How are you?" expecting to hear the response "I'm good" and then feel like you have done your duty by "checking in" with a person? And if someone answered you're question with "I feel like crap", how many of you would freeze and your brain would go into overdrive thinking "Oh no now they've told me they're feeling terrible.. I wasn't expecting it... What do I do? I don't REALLY want to know how they feel..." etc etc. Sound familiar?
Also, what exactly does good mean? And obviously with the good, the dualistic thinking that we have is that there is a "bad". But what is "good" and "bad" in relation to? Who told you what was good and what is bad? And, do you actually believe in that person's definition of good and bad... and who said that what they said is good actually is good, and vice versa?
Did reading that just make your mind go into overdrive? It was meant to :) In this day and age we live in a society that forgets the meaning behind our words and easily interchanges them with another word which ,when you actually think about it, doesn't mean the same thing at all! For example, can you tell the difference between thinking and feeling? People always say "I feel this" or "I think that" when the context of its use is actually wrong. Similarly, do you understand the difference between being reactive or being responsive?
Being reactive means that you are re-enacting an experience that has already happened to you and which is stored in your own nervous system. A reaction is uncontrollable - it just happens.... until you are aware of your own reaction. How many times did you do something in the heat of the moment and instantly regret it? Yup - you know what I'm talking about. Responding, on the other hand, is making the conscious choice how to react to a situation. See the difference?
In relation to "thinking" and "feeling", "thinking" is something that your mind does. "Feeling" is something coming from your heart or you gut. When it comes to really communicating with someone, you want to be communicating by your feelings as opposed to your thoughts. For example, how many times do you talk to someone, or how many times have you experienced a conversation where the person just doesn't GET what you are saying or you aren't really listening to them? Quite a few right?
The most effective way of communicating with a person is to display empathy. By displaying empathy, you are then able to "reflect" back to the person what they are feeling, as the way a person sees the world is reflected back at them. In other words, to tune into the feelings of the person within the experience that they are having and to relate those feelings back to them. Why? Because then they will get into a space to be able to experience whatever it is and they know that they will be supported and not judged. I.e. they will be able to notice what they are actually feeling and then take steps to address those feelings. Not to mention it makes them feel like they are understood.. i.e. someone really gets them. And deep down, that's what people really want. To be loved and accepted.
So next time, think twice about asking someone "Are you ok?" or "How are you?". Tune into what they are feeling either energetically or look at their body language, and try opening it up with "I see that you are feeling agitated, etc".. and then notice the difference in terms of how the person relates to you. Why? Because you are seeing them for who they are - instead of denying it. Isn't that such a beautiful way of communicating to someone?
Also, what exactly does good mean? And obviously with the good, the dualistic thinking that we have is that there is a "bad". But what is "good" and "bad" in relation to? Who told you what was good and what is bad? And, do you actually believe in that person's definition of good and bad... and who said that what they said is good actually is good, and vice versa?
Did reading that just make your mind go into overdrive? It was meant to :) In this day and age we live in a society that forgets the meaning behind our words and easily interchanges them with another word which ,when you actually think about it, doesn't mean the same thing at all! For example, can you tell the difference between thinking and feeling? People always say "I feel this" or "I think that" when the context of its use is actually wrong. Similarly, do you understand the difference between being reactive or being responsive?
Being reactive means that you are re-enacting an experience that has already happened to you and which is stored in your own nervous system. A reaction is uncontrollable - it just happens.... until you are aware of your own reaction. How many times did you do something in the heat of the moment and instantly regret it? Yup - you know what I'm talking about. Responding, on the other hand, is making the conscious choice how to react to a situation. See the difference?
In relation to "thinking" and "feeling", "thinking" is something that your mind does. "Feeling" is something coming from your heart or you gut. When it comes to really communicating with someone, you want to be communicating by your feelings as opposed to your thoughts. For example, how many times do you talk to someone, or how many times have you experienced a conversation where the person just doesn't GET what you are saying or you aren't really listening to them? Quite a few right?
The most effective way of communicating with a person is to display empathy. By displaying empathy, you are then able to "reflect" back to the person what they are feeling, as the way a person sees the world is reflected back at them. In other words, to tune into the feelings of the person within the experience that they are having and to relate those feelings back to them. Why? Because then they will get into a space to be able to experience whatever it is and they know that they will be supported and not judged. I.e. they will be able to notice what they are actually feeling and then take steps to address those feelings. Not to mention it makes them feel like they are understood.. i.e. someone really gets them. And deep down, that's what people really want. To be loved and accepted.
So next time, think twice about asking someone "Are you ok?" or "How are you?". Tune into what they are feeling either energetically or look at their body language, and try opening it up with "I see that you are feeling agitated, etc".. and then notice the difference in terms of how the person relates to you. Why? Because you are seeing them for who they are - instead of denying it. Isn't that such a beautiful way of communicating to someone?