Breaking free from restraints
It's been a while since my last blog post but today I wanted to focus on the topic of coming into your own - owning your truth and sticking to your guns.
For me, this is quite personal. In fact, I had a particular incident this morning where I had to stand up for my beliefs against the people who brought me up - my parents. I grew up in a very devout Catholic family, and for the first 33 years of my life, went to church every Sunday (except for when I couldn't which was when I was generally on holidays).
Earlier this year I made the decision to stop going to church because it no longer represented what I believed in. I could go on and on about the reasons why but I won't - it's suffice to say that I stopped going, and I broke it to my parents a few months ago.
Over the past few months, whilst my parents wouldn't hassle me constantly, I would get the random texts or phone calls where they remind me to go to church, go to church on a particular holy day of obligation, and the last thing before this incident was telling me that given that I no longer when to church, the next time I decided to go to mass, I had to abstain myself from receiving communion because I had sinned. Hmph.
A one off comment doesn't affect me that much, but when you start piling up the comments, it does. Hey - I'm a human being and I'm not perfect, so I am more than entitled to get pissed off. Anyway, this morning started off me with telling off my brother for something, and then escalated into the religious issue, and how my parents were disappointed in me and how the only thing they ask of me is to attend church, how I was evil for not attending church, how the angels are not real, how I broke their hearts, how they cry thinking about what I have done, etc. Quite frankly, I don't believe that anyone needs to be subjected to the verbal abuse that I was subjected to so I hit back. It got to the point where I was really irritated that I told my parents if they continued to talk to me in that way, I was going to go home right that instant and they shouldn't expect me to come back and visit that often. I went upstairs, packed my bags and my mum was begging me not to leave.
Mum started getting hysterical and dad then added fuel to the fire saying that if I left right then and there I would be instantly disowned from the family and to never ever come back. At that point in time my mum had taken the phone and rung the family priest asking him to calm me down and to stay, so I spoke to him for a bit and then I went outside to play with the dog and phone a friend to talk through my emotions. The ironic thing was that my dad's outburst was completely against the doctrines and teachings of the Catholic church so I made that point very clear to him.
There was a lot of tension so I left the house to go buy some things and go to the beach and when I came back, my parents weren't there (thankfully). The priest ended up coming over and had a chat with me. The good thing about this priest is that he's really pragmatic - he explained that there was a big difference between the older and the new generation, and dad was acting in a typical Vietnamese manner and that it was the best he could do based on his upbringing. I accepted that and the priest also acknowledged that my parents also needed to understand my own viewpoint. After giving me a hug he said it was fine that I didn't go to church, he knew I was a good person and that I just needed to live my own truth and suffer the consequences (if any). If I went to mass than that would be great but he never wants to force people to go - they need to go because they want to. Obviously he was also counselling my dad and I'm actually really grateful to have someone like the priest who was willing to help smooth out the situation. The priest said I needed to let this issue go and to forgive, which I understand, but at this point in time the emotions and the pain caused by my parents (particularly my dad) are so raw that I'm finding it so difficult to let go and forgive. I couldn't even look at my dad as I left the house to go home - that is how I am.
I believe it is so important to stand up for your beliefs and not to tolerate behavior that demeans you or makes you feel like a lesser person. I have no regrets for standing up for myself today, even though I have spent a great deal of today crying. Initially I wanted to just ignore the emotions but it's important to let it out and deal with it otherwise it would manifest itself physically later on which is not what I want.
It's now our time to break free from the restraints that we or others place on ourselves and step into who we really are. Whilst the initial "breaking" moment might be painful, rest assured that the Universe doesn't give you something you can't deal with and you will come out a stronger person.
For me, this is quite personal. In fact, I had a particular incident this morning where I had to stand up for my beliefs against the people who brought me up - my parents. I grew up in a very devout Catholic family, and for the first 33 years of my life, went to church every Sunday (except for when I couldn't which was when I was generally on holidays).
Earlier this year I made the decision to stop going to church because it no longer represented what I believed in. I could go on and on about the reasons why but I won't - it's suffice to say that I stopped going, and I broke it to my parents a few months ago.
Over the past few months, whilst my parents wouldn't hassle me constantly, I would get the random texts or phone calls where they remind me to go to church, go to church on a particular holy day of obligation, and the last thing before this incident was telling me that given that I no longer when to church, the next time I decided to go to mass, I had to abstain myself from receiving communion because I had sinned. Hmph.
A one off comment doesn't affect me that much, but when you start piling up the comments, it does. Hey - I'm a human being and I'm not perfect, so I am more than entitled to get pissed off. Anyway, this morning started off me with telling off my brother for something, and then escalated into the religious issue, and how my parents were disappointed in me and how the only thing they ask of me is to attend church, how I was evil for not attending church, how the angels are not real, how I broke their hearts, how they cry thinking about what I have done, etc. Quite frankly, I don't believe that anyone needs to be subjected to the verbal abuse that I was subjected to so I hit back. It got to the point where I was really irritated that I told my parents if they continued to talk to me in that way, I was going to go home right that instant and they shouldn't expect me to come back and visit that often. I went upstairs, packed my bags and my mum was begging me not to leave.
Mum started getting hysterical and dad then added fuel to the fire saying that if I left right then and there I would be instantly disowned from the family and to never ever come back. At that point in time my mum had taken the phone and rung the family priest asking him to calm me down and to stay, so I spoke to him for a bit and then I went outside to play with the dog and phone a friend to talk through my emotions. The ironic thing was that my dad's outburst was completely against the doctrines and teachings of the Catholic church so I made that point very clear to him.
There was a lot of tension so I left the house to go buy some things and go to the beach and when I came back, my parents weren't there (thankfully). The priest ended up coming over and had a chat with me. The good thing about this priest is that he's really pragmatic - he explained that there was a big difference between the older and the new generation, and dad was acting in a typical Vietnamese manner and that it was the best he could do based on his upbringing. I accepted that and the priest also acknowledged that my parents also needed to understand my own viewpoint. After giving me a hug he said it was fine that I didn't go to church, he knew I was a good person and that I just needed to live my own truth and suffer the consequences (if any). If I went to mass than that would be great but he never wants to force people to go - they need to go because they want to. Obviously he was also counselling my dad and I'm actually really grateful to have someone like the priest who was willing to help smooth out the situation. The priest said I needed to let this issue go and to forgive, which I understand, but at this point in time the emotions and the pain caused by my parents (particularly my dad) are so raw that I'm finding it so difficult to let go and forgive. I couldn't even look at my dad as I left the house to go home - that is how I am.
I believe it is so important to stand up for your beliefs and not to tolerate behavior that demeans you or makes you feel like a lesser person. I have no regrets for standing up for myself today, even though I have spent a great deal of today crying. Initially I wanted to just ignore the emotions but it's important to let it out and deal with it otherwise it would manifest itself physically later on which is not what I want.
It's now our time to break free from the restraints that we or others place on ourselves and step into who we really are. Whilst the initial "breaking" moment might be painful, rest assured that the Universe doesn't give you something you can't deal with and you will come out a stronger person.